I’m fat, I’m black, I have short hair, glasses, and, at the time of writing this, the secondhand confidence of a white man. Please let me play you on TV.

I’m Maya Mothaf’in Versace Armstrong, Gunston Elementary School Bus Patrol Captain ‘08-’09, and if I want to launch a Squarespace site (#sponcon) with a soft-launch instead of the groundbreaking personal essay that I meant to write, then that’s my (morally neutral) business!